Grace after the Choice :: My Abortion Story {Part 3 of 3}


Hi! 

If you have landed on this post, 
so that you might understand what's happening 
in this part of my story, 
I suggest that you start at 
Part 1, HERE 
(there'll be a link to click at the bottom to bring you to Part 2
and a link at the bottom of Part 2 to bring you back to this page). 

Thank you!



Part 3
{Parts of this story are extremely graphic.}

After I got back into my own bed, I was shocked and horrified by what began happening to me. My abdomen had begun to convulse, violently. It was as if whatever was in there was fighting for its existence. I didn't make sense why a tumor of tissue would jump and thrash like this. I had never felt this much movement from the fetus before. I watched the skin on my stomach roll and undulate, and it was terrifying. It was at that moment that I began to question if I had been misled. The thrashing suddenly stopped.

Then the pain started in my back and in my front. I had no idea how long I was in labor because I didn’t care. I was in anguish as I tried to understand where I was, what I was doing, and who I was. Even as I remained silent, inside I was screaming. As I felt the urge to push, I also decided, like the girl had, to not call the nurse. I would rather have been alone than to have been with a stranger. Soon I felt something large and warm pass out of me. I was afraid of what it was.

Just then, the nurse came into the room to see if I’d like some more ice. It was the nicer nurse, the one who’d held my hand tightly. She could tell that something had happened, and she came over and asked if I was all right. I told her that I had pushed something out, and she lifted the covers and looked. She said she’d be right back, and to just hold still. I did. She returned pushing a rolling cart upon which was a white bucket; she shut the door behind her. I looked over at the bucket, which was the size of a Crisco can, and saw upon it a long hyphened number and below it my last name, with my first name on a hastily handwritten label on the side.

The nurse took the bucket and its lid and placed them on the bed beside me. She put on her gloves, lifted my gown again, and reached down to retrieve the mass that I had just expelled. I could smell blood and something I can’t even describe except to say it smelled like something that was decaying.

I knew now that this so-called tissue mass was not simply a mass of tissue, and so I asked her, as she was placing it into the bucket, “What is it?” I expected her to tell me it was a fetus, or tissue, or even nothing. But she turned her head to look at me between my bent-up legs, and she said, softly, “It’s a girl.” And my heart broke apart into a million little pieces.

As I retell this story, it is still amazing to me that this nurse answered me in this way. Why did she admit what I’d been wondering all along? Was it cruelty? Was she trying to shame me? Why did she say “it’s a girl” instead of “it’s a fetus” or “it’s a baby”? Why did she tell me it was a “she”? I think, now, that that nurse wanted me to know what this “procedure” really was. I am convinced that her motivation wasn’t to distress me, but to enlighten me.

And then, once again out of curiosity, I asked, “Can I see her?” And after glancing toward the door to the room to make sure no one else was present, she held the bucket down at an angle so I could gaze at a most beautifully, intricately formed little person. She had ears and fingers and toes, and even a tiny behind. She was also red and bloody and burned. And my soul collapsed in that ten-second glance where I witnessed the truth. If I could have died right then, I would have.

The nurse neither smiled nor frowned. She put the lid on the bucket, put the bucket on the cart, and rolled my baby away and out of the room. Another nurse who I hadn’t seen before came in and removed the soiled bed pad below me and put a fresh one under me; she gave me a sanitary napkin contraption consisting of elastic and metal clips with which to hold it around my waist. I was told that, if I had to go to the bathroom, then I could, but I had to call a nurse for help in assisting me to the restroom.

Shortly after this, I was moved into a room a few doors down, the recovery room. It had a window (I could see that it was dark outside, even though I had arrived at the hospital clinic waiting room at eight that morning) and a television. I was alone, near the window, and I was brought a tray of food; however, I cannot remember a thing that was on it.

The nurse turned on the television for me because the remote that was on the side of my bed wasn’t working, and she left the room. I tried to change the channels to find the news of what was happening outside, but the buttons weren’t co-operating. I looked up as I heard a woman with a British accent speaking to me. The bottom of the screen read “The 700 Club”, and I was familiar with the show because my grandmother watched it. This woman said, “It doesn’t matter what you’ve done. You may have committed adultery, stolen, lied, had an abortion… it doesn’t matter, because God loves you, right where you are.” I heard nothing she said after that. (I found out later that the woman was Sheila Walsh.)

I must have slept well, because I remember nothing else except driving home (the hospital required me to be driven by someone else, but I lied and told them that I had a driver) the next day with my left hand out the window, staring at the mark left by the IV, which had started to bruise slightly, and hoping that no one would notice it and ask me about it. I spoke about my secret choice with no one.

Let’s flash forward seven years. I was twenty-six, married, saved and baptized, blessed with a three-year-old daughter and a newborn daughter, and during this time where I should be overjoyed, I can’t understand why I can’t shake the feelings of worthlessness and self-hate. The tormenting emotions of those days I spent in Miami were haunting me in my dreams and in my waking moments. Most of my nightmares consisted in my chasing the cart with my baby in a bucket down a long corridor, but never catching up to it.  When I found myself driving to the Amtrak station because I wanted to lie down on the tracks and be obliterated by a train, I knew there was something seriously wrong. Thankfully, I turned around, went home, and confessed to my husband why I was drained of every ounce of joy and life that I thought I should be having as a new mom. I also sought the help of a friend, who prayed for me and directed me to a women’s center.

At the woman’s center, a new group was starting, a post-abortion recovery group. I was invited to join. Initially, I was reluctant to commit to the meetings, because I didn’t want to be judged, labeled with a big fat figurative “M” for murderer or “A” for Abortion on my forehead, but I felt compelled to go. And there, with other women who felt just as ashamed and just as unworthy as I did, I learned that what Sheila Walsh had told me all those years ago: that despite my Choice, God loves me, no matter what I've done, right where I am.

And this I finally believed. 

I gave my daughter a name. Her name is Morgan, because she is a person with a soul and a mother who loves her. I know that I will see her again, and I know that she's forgiven me. I've also learned to forgive myself and all of the people involved.

In fact, I found out that there was grace offered to me (and them) a long, long time before my Choice:



God makes everything come out right;
he puts victims back on their feet.

God is sheer mercy and grace;
    not easily angered, he’s rich in love.
He doesn’t endlessly nag and scold,
    nor hold grudges forever.
He doesn’t treat us as our sins deserve,
    nor pay us back in full for our wrongs.
As high as heaven is over the earth,
    so strong is his love to those who fear him.
And as far as sunrise is from sunset,
    he has separated us from our sins.


Psalm 103:6-12



And that's my story.
When the nurse broke all sorts of hospital policy rules that day,
I can't help but think that she'd wanted me to talk about what really happens. 
I wasn't going to let her bravery be for naught,
and so it's in her honor that I've shared the truth with you.

___


If you are reading this right now and have had an abortion, if you are struggling with any of the feelings of hopelessness and self-hate that follows it, and if you can’t find peace with it, then I beg you to re-read Psalms above and believe it.

Did God see me there in the Miami-Dade Hospital? Of course. 
Was He there with me when my eyes were opened in horror at what I had done? Absolutely. 
Did He still love me? More than ever.

And so it is with you. God was there when you made your Choice. He knows what happened and what you did. He loves you like crazy anyway. 
The lies that you've believed since that day: that you are no longer good enough, that you do not deserve to have good things in life—that you are tainted, less than, and dirty? 
The even bigger lie that God can't forgive what you've done?
They're just that: lies.

But the truth is that there is Grace after the Choice.
I've experienced it, and so can you.



Start here, sweet friend, and find truth, because it truly will set you free:
If you can't quite yet reach out, then watch this series; it is a wonderful new television program called Surrender the Secret. It follows the lives of five women as they meet together and heal from their abortions. 


Grace is calling to you, too. Can you hear it?


Jaime


Follow Me on Pinterest

63 comments:

  1. You are brave, and loved so much by God. I don't know what else to say, I really don't, but bless you for sharing this painful, real, human story.

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  2. As a woman that has always wanted to have kids, and is unable to, I want to thank you for sharing your heartbreaking story. I hope that it enlightens and helps another girl/woman who is in a similiar situation, to realize that there are other options.

    God bless you & your family.

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  3. Thank you for sharing your story. I pray that many women will find God's love and healing through it.

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  4. What Satan intended for bad..God intends for Good. Again, thanks for sharing your story. As healing came to you..your story will lead many to God's grace and healing. Blessings!

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  5. I weep for the lessons that you have shared with your story. Beautifully told. Thank you so much for sharing.

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  6. I came to your page looking for decorating help! I was drawn to your story. I'm a labor & delivery nurse and know much about stories as yours, but never have read one in such details as yours. I bawled as I wished I could have taken care of you and encouraged you that there were other choices. I am so sorry! And I am so happy that you are brave enough to share your story and help countless women. May God bless you and keep you. I agree with Patty... What satan intended for evil, God is indeed using for good.

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  7. Oh, Leslie, I wish your poignant and soulfully written story could be read by every teenage girl in the world!

    They would understand that abortion is not just a "procedure" but that there is a little person, with a heartbeat, who is involved.

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is a heart-wrencher, that's for sure.

    I think God will use your experience to help others. May He bless you, always. Susan

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  8. I work at a crisis pregnancy center (like the one you went to for post abortion healing) and I want to thank you for sharing. So many women think an abortion is an ending, when it is the beginning of so much pain. Thank you for having the courage to speak out.

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  9. Thank you for sharing, Leslie. Your courage enables you to touch the lives of so many others. God has given you a platform and you are using it for His glory. You are a living example of how His grace changes everything. I am reminded of the scripture that He gives beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. You have and will continue to touch lives with your story. <3

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  10. *weeping* God bless you for this. This scary honesty. May it bring you further freedom, and to others the realization that they CAN be free. Free from the shame, the guilt, the self-hatred. Oh, how I love you, dear friend. And I think Morgan is a beautiful name.

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  11. Tears streaming down my cheeks. I applaud you!
    My heart breaks for you and anyone else who is caught in this situation.
    Your help is so comforting.
    Your story will be heard by many.

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  12. Leslie - You are LOVED! Bless you my sweet friend for your courage in sharing your story. X0

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  13. Thank you. You have started some miracles by sharing.

    I admire you for your honesty,
    Terri

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  14. Oh Leslie! I so wish I had the right words to say. I cannot imagine what that must have been like for you and yet it is so evident that God is using your story to speak truth in a time when so many believe the lie. Our son's birthmother had scheduled an abortion and it was only through someone stepping in and intervening that we are blessed to be his mommy and daddy. I'm beyond grateful to that person and I am grateful to you for being willing to share your experience so that others will know that life is the only choice! Thank you for being so vulnerable and blessings to you for honoring the Lord and stepping out in faith! :-)
    Vanessa

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  15. Leslie, your strength to share your story in such a vulnerable way is amazing. You are an inspiration for others to share their painful stories too and find healing. May God use you to help others find the freedom and grace He offers. Thank you for sharing this my friend!

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  16. May God bless you for telling your story. I know it must have been hard to not only relive it but to open your innermost self to others. Some little baby is going to be saved because of your unselfish act of honesty. I pray that the women who are considering or who have gone through with an abortion will find the love and grace that God has poured over you dear one.

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  17. Thank you for sharing your story. This is going to have a positive impact on many lives.

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  18. No doubt you will have many responses to your heart-felt words, but I want to thank you for sharing. Thankfully, I myself have never experienced this, but your words have painted a clear picture of how painful it must have been. Thank you for opening my eyes to the pain no doubt some of my friends have been through, and for teaching others how to welcome them with grace and hope. May you be blessed for sharing your story, and may God continue to heal you. God bless.

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  19. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish I could share my story, but shame keeps me from doing so. I did this not once or twice, but three times. The first time I was 16 and it was horrible. I was only 12 weeks along and they used a vacuum. The baby's was with me, so at least I wasn't alone. I went on to marry that guy and we had a baby and I got pregnant 4 weeks later. Because I was having some heart issues during my pregnancy I let a doctor talk me into the procedure saying it would be the best for my health. I chose general anesthesia because I couldn't bear the horror of what I was going to do. Two years later having another child was going to be an inconvenience, so we chose to end another pregnancy ~ I again opted for general anesthesia. These were done in the 80's and looking back it makes me so sad that it was so easy to end pregnancies ~ it seemed that everyone was doing it. My marriage ended shortly after. A couple of years later I met and married a wonderful man and I confessed my dirty secret and he prayed with me and told me that God forgave me. I truly believed that but it took many years to feel that God did indeed forgive me. We lost a few babies due to ectopic pregnancies and I almost lost my life once. I am sure this is because of scar tissue. God blessed us with our own baby, and we were happy to have her considering afterwards I was diagnosed with blocked tubes. Fast forward 15 years and a surprise blessing was sent to us. I see Grace whenever I look at my three beautiful girls and now my two beautiful grandkids. I think I still carry self-hate though. I wish I could tell my oldest daughter what I did, but I can't. I am afraid she will be so mad and upset that I took the life of three of her siblings. I am also sad for my ex husband who is not saved and will have to answer to God for his part. Karen

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    1. Anonymous, you took a big step just sharing your story here! The most important thing is that God has forgiven you. You are no less loved by the King than you were before you did this. Christ died for you knowing what you might yet do - even in the future!
      He has made us to live in community, though, and I would encourage you to find a place where you might find freedom to talk openly about your experiences. An abortion recovery group at a local crisis pregnancy center is an excellent way to start! Please consider it. You would certainly be a blessing to other women needing to hear your story and the forgiveness you have found from God. I trust you would also find freedom to tell openly your story of our dreadful sin and desperate need for a redeemer.

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  20. Thank you for sharing your heart breaking story Leslie. I can't imagine how hard it was for you to type these words but I know that Morgan is glad you are sharing your story. God will use this in so many ways! Love to you friend. You are amazing!

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  21. Thank you for sharing your story. I know God is glorified in you sharing this.... someone needed to read it! -Leanne

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  22. Dear God,

    Thank you that Leslie is a victorious overcomer by the words of her testimony and by the Blood of the Lamb. May the millions of mothers of these precious babies find the grace and forgiveness Leslie-- and everyone who's forgiven-- has found in Your love.

    Where would we any of us be, Lord, without You?

    With love and gratitude for Your beloved daughter Leslie,
    Kelley~

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  23. Thank you for sharing this story. I agree with the above commenter that there is someone out there that needs it.

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  24. Leslie, thank you for sharing grace with us through your story. God is so good, and I know that your story is already having an effect on so many different women in so many different ways. Thank you for sharing God's faithfulness, and thank you for being faithful.

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  25. Thank you for your testimony. I thank God that you have the courage to share. God bless you.

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  26. Wow, Leslie. Thank you for sharing. Praise God for His amazing grace! I'm going to post the link on FB. Much love to you, precious lady.

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  27. This is by far the most powerful of the 3 and so heart wrenching to read. Your story is in God's hands and He will bring those who need to read it, find grace, and find God. Again, thank you for surrendering your secret.

    ~ Ferly
    Gifts We Use {to grow, love and serve}

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  28. Love you Leslie! All of us, we're all great sinners, in need of a great and mighty Savior, who washes away all of our guilt and shame, every sinful stain, is washed white as snow. You are so brave to surrender the secret. I know three other friends who have been set free from self-condemnation because of the power found in surrendering the secret. God will use your story to help others and to save lives. I love the name you chose for your precious girl, can't wait to meet her in Heaven. You know I love you friend! God bless you! And God bless this story as it exposes, and reveals the truth. There is great grace after the choice, for those who have made the choice. And for those precious ladies,who don't know yet what to do, may God use this to help them choose life! May your transparency be a beacon to them! A lifeline! And may it reveal to their hearts how great our God is, and how He is trustworthy and will help them through this time of their lives.

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  29. Leslie,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. So many of us do not know the realities of what our choices are. I know for me, the clear explanation that your story gave helped me to understand the true process, both physically and emotionally that women go through.

    You are so strong and brave, thank you again.

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  30. I stumbled onto your blog the other day via Pinterest. Thank you for being brave and sharing your story. God is so good and full of grace and mercy!

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    1. Tammy,
      Thank you for your encouragement.
      God brought me through, that's for sure!
      I am glad to meet you!
      :)

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  31. I am sure this was so hard for you to share. You are loved by God. Thank you for sharing.

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  32. Dear Leslie,
    Thank you for sharing your story and by doing so presenting the truth to others.
    God bless you,
    Bea xo

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  33. Oh, Leslie, thank you for writing this. I know God is going to use it... Hugs to you, Sweet Friend!

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  34. I stumbled on your blog today and felt like I was meant to read this. Thank you for telling your story! I have considered myself pro-choice my whole life, until recently beginning to question that stance, but I think everyone should read your story. Too many women and girls don't understand what abortion really entails. I hate for anyone to think it's a quick fix and thus act irresponsibly with birth control because they think its an easy option. God does love all of us and your journey has made you an inspiration for others who are reading this.

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  35. You are very brave, Leslie. I can only imagine how very emotionally painful this was for you then and now as you recount this heart-wrenching story. God bless you.

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  36. Leslie, I somehow lost track of your blog in the past year or so. I'm glad to have found it again. What a gripping and heartbreaking story, but one filled with grace, His amazing grace. As the mother of an adopted daughter, this moved me in the deepest way.

    May God bless you for sharing your heart.

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  37. Thank you so much for sharing this story of grace, of hope, of the redeeming power of Jesus Christ in our lives. I think you are courageous, and you will bless the lives of many people in ways you can't see from this. I also believe that there is a lesson here that not only does God wait to forgive us, but also other people are ready to be accepting of us for what we are, even including all we have done that we wish we would have done differently. I think we all have secrets that we hide - even from ourselves - when there is amazing freedom to be had, and support to be gained - in sharing. Thank you for sharing.

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  38. What a beautiful picture of our Savior's Grace. Thank you for being so open and sharing such a tender part of your heart with us. You bared your scars for us to see and risk judgement for sake of saving another. You are a brave woman with a strong conviction to help others. My prayer is that others will read this story of you and Morgan and be blessed as I have.

    Thank you for showing us your soul.
    In Him,
    Jen @ Noting Grace

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  39. I'm not sure how I stumbled on your blog but I'm so glad that I found these posts. I feel heartbroken having read it, yet so happy to see yet another example of redemption by God where you could never redeem yourself from. Thank you for sharing, I know exactly how difficult sharing something so personal and controversial is. May God bless you for doing it anyway.

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  40. God bless you for your honesty and courage to tell your story.

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  41. I am emotionally exhausted reading your story, and can't even begin to imagine what it was like for you re-telling your story.... a story with awful parts, but a story which is overwhelmingly about God's wonderful pardoning grace.
    Oh, what a God we serve!

    I would love to share your story on my blog. Would you mind if I did this?

    From the bottom of my heart ... thank you, dear sister in Christ, for telling this story.

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  42. I don't have words for this. Bless you and I pray many read these words and reconsider life.. if they can. I have no judgement for anyone making the choice of abortion, because only they know their circumstance. Bless you, bless you for your bravery and honesty. Bless all the women and children who have had to make a choice, not knowing the whole truth. Thank you for posting this.

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  43. Such a powerful, brave, heartbreaking story. It was no accident that God had you watch the 700 Club that night. I just wish I could have reached out of the TV set and hugged you. I know that God will use you mightily in saving other lives. Can't wait to meet you and Morgan one day!

    Sheila Walsh

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  44. I understand that this was a very difficult choice for you, but I urge you not to become anti-choice. I could not imagine having an abortion, and it has nothing to do with religion. However, I don't want to live in a country where that option isn't legal and safe. I also think that nurse is full of it. It's extremely unlikely that the nurse accurately can tell you the gender of a fetus upon visual inspection before 14 weeks. She may have disliked her job and may have regretted her choice to work there, but it seems like she was really pulling at your heartstrings unnecessarily. I'm sorry that you regret your decision today, but I'm glad that you had that ability to make that decision as an adult and make the choice to keep your future children. You seem truly blessed, but I hope you realize that as a society, we will always have abortions, but we won't have many living mothers if it becomes illegal and therefore completely unsafe.

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    1. She was over 14 weeks, if you read part one you will see that she was 20 weeks along. You can definitely tell at 20 weeks the gender of the baby.

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  45. Thank you for sharing your story. I had an abortion in my early twenties; had someone of shown me actual photos of a developing fetus; I never would of done it. The abortion was like a vacuum. I never saw anything. I don't know what the sex was but for some reason I always think of it as a boy.

    Choice doesn't always mean right.

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  46. I just somehow stumbled onto your blog. Thank you for sharing your story. This was such a powerful testimony of God's grace and His loving kindness. Even though I know God loves me no matter what, sometimes I tend to forget and at times feel alone. So thank you for the reminder and encouragement that God's love for us is real. He doesn't want us to live our lives condemning ourselves because He already took care of it all on the cross! May God use your testimony to bring healing to the brokenhearted. Blessings!

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  47. Thank you for writing about such a hard topic!

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  48. Thank you for sharing your story.

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  50. I just found your blog today and saw this. How brave of you to share such a hurtful part of your life. I am so glad that you have the truth and hope that can only come from faith in Christ to comfort you.

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  51. It is amazing to me how God takes our mistakes and even uses them for His greater good! I pray your story touches the lives of others who are hurting and looking for love that they would find God. He truly can restore a hurting soul!
    http://cottagesweetcottage.blogspot.com/

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  52. Hey, Leslie. Wow....what a story. I have a few things to share. But first, let me just say that it's so refreshing to hear you share this story, because this platform of blogging allows us to reach thousands, millions of people, and if your story can educate one woman, then you've done a great thing. Okay, here's my tidbits:

    1. My mom got pregnant with me during an untimely period in her life. Has my dad given her the money, I wouldn't be here today. She still feels guilty for this, but that was 35 years ago! ;) Thankfully, my dad saved my life.

    2. I have a friend that had an early abortion while in college (around 6 weeks along), and once when she got drunk years later, what's the first thing that came out of her mouth during her drunken stooper? "I killed my baby!" I felt horrible for her :(

    3. Another friend of mine had 3 abortions in her lifetime, with one live birth. She still talks about them to this day, with regret.

    For anyone who is reading this and considering abortion, please reconsider. It's a decision that you need to be fully informed about, and even then, you may regret it. Adoption is always an option.

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  53. Bless you, friend, for bravely telling the story. Thank you for being thoroughly honest. And thank you for sharing God's love with everyone who will read this. May the light of God's grace reach into the depths of their souls as it has reached into yours. Morgan would be proud of her mom.

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  54. Thank you so much for bravely sharing your story. I pray that God will use it to touch many lives and bring about freedom from shame and self-condemnation. I can relate to your story myself and am thankful that when we confess God does indeed forgive us from this dreadful sin. For those still living in shame it is important to ACCEPT God's forgiveness and also forgive themselves.

    The core of our pain is the core of our purpose. May God use your testimony in a mighty way. Blessings to you, Patti@OldThingsNew

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  55. You're very brave for sharing and continuing on. Life is a series of decisions and we do our best with what we have. I'm glad you're life is full and blessed and you're finding peace now.

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  56. Oh, Leslie, I admire your courage in sharing your story. The world needs to hear it. Love and hugs to you! <3

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  57. Dear Leslie. I'm sending hugs your way for having the strength and faith to share your story. I can't help thinking that "there, but for the grace of God, go I"! Twenty-four years ago I faced the same decision, in a bleak, soulless WWII military hospital, across the world - all alone. The gurneys kept coming and going throughout the long night, while I waited to be wheeled to wherever they were taking those other poor souls. My call never came. For reasons unclear and unknown to me at the time, no gurney came for me. By morning my decision was made. I looked at the instruments neatly lined up on the raised platform at the foot of my bed, and that was it for me. I signed myself out and never looked back. Seven months later, and back home in the loving arms of my family, I gave birth to my daughter whom I named Hannah, "God's Gift". God was with me on that long night many years ago, and I was not alone. Today I marvel at this beautiful person who very nearly wasn't, and take pride in her self-determination, strength, independence and love of life. I thank God for guiding me through very rough seas to a safe harbour, and for giving me the strength to walk away that day.

    You're never alone! Thank you for the gift of your story. I've drawn comfort and strength from your words, and I know that others will do so too.

    mwah Hx

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  58. Leslie, I stopped by for a long-overdue visit tonight and read this story. Your courage and encouragement are almost tangible, and I know from reading previous comments that your experience has ministered to women who God has brought here. My heart breaks for the 19-year-old Leslie and for the pain of old choices -- even ones fully and graciously forgiven. What a mighty God we serve!

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  59. I'm sending you a bear hug. I can only imagine what you went through, but I thank God for His unending grace. Thank you for sharing this.

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  60. I love your blog and have read many of your posts, and tonight, with some spare time on my hands, I found this story. I too had an abortion in my late teens. I have suffered 4 miscarriages since and remain childless, often wondering if my choice as a young woman has created the void I have in not being a mother. I am a happy person, I have a full life with a great relationship. great job and lots of fantastic friends and family to make me feel loved. I made a choice that was right for me at the time and I refuse to let something I cannot change ruin the wonderful life I have now. I will never be a mom but I can still be the greatest "me" that I can. Thank you for sharing, I had a moment of sadness, but I'll bounce back like all strong women do.

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